05/05/2015

Some Late Night Feels


Though being in a long distance relationship can be hard, when you've been doing it for so long it becomes manageable. I realise when I keep myself busy with friends and working on personal goals I don't give myself too much time to think about how far Sebastian is from me and how I don't know when I'll see him in the near future. 

But then times like this will come up, when he's busy at work in the morning and I'm alone in my room at night I remember just how long it's been since I've seen him and how I miss having my boyfriend in human-form as opposed to a bunch of pixels on a screen/a voice in a phone. 

We officially haven't seen each other in person in more than a year, and the time is only getting longer. He visited me in Manila in February 2014 for a couple weeks, then a couple months later many external things that still make me very very frustrated and angry when I think about it happened and now it's May 5, 2015 and I'm at a point that basically my education is put in jeopardy if I ever even think about seeing him again.

The first few days of every visit I realise how I've forgotten how it's like to have my boyfriend in real life. It takes me awhile to get used to having someone hold a door open for me, hug me while standing in an escalator, finish my food when I'm too full, call me out on my shit when I'm being unreasonable, and all that boyfriend-y stuff. It's a nice feeling when I know I have all of it at that moment, but I also get reluctant to get too comfortable because I know that in a couple week's time, all of that is gone and I'm back to being boyfriend-less, until we're available to Skype each other. What that means is I'm back to only seeing other couples spend time together and remembering what it's like to have a hand to hold or being the third (sometimes fifth!) wheel in things and feeling frustrated because I know that I shouldn't feel like the odd one out--I'm in a relationship too, he's just.. not in this side of the world. 

But right now in times like this, when I'm lonely, idling the night away, and have time to think, I'd trade that feeling of realisation with underlying reluctance over repressed frustration and loneliness any day. I miss you so, so much Gooby 

This post was probably a piece of poo and I probably will delete this in the future. I didn't read-through it for grammar mistakes or anything because these are just some things I needed to put somewhere. Writing feelings down can be therapeutic sometimes



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