08/01/2016

Questions About First Love, From A Girl Whose Love is Her First: A Semi-Rant with Legitimate Questions


I always appreciate advice and the people that are willing to talk to me about my relationship. It means they care, and I'm always grateful for those friends. But I usually try not to talk about my relationship a lot or at all-- at least to the point where people start giving me unsolicited advice. While there a handful of people I do trust and talk to about anything and everything, I've had people that I thought I could count on just outright belittling my relationship; sometimes unintentionally, sometimes with malice. I learnt that when some people know that my relationship is my first, they suddenly become relationship experts because they've been in more than I have. But what do I know, maybe they do know what they're talking about, so I've got some questions for you love gurus. (Disclaimer: this post contains a high level of passive aggressiveness)

Why don't you take my relationship seriously?
I know it's my first, and I can see the naivety of it all: everything I know about relationships is only based on the one I have and have ever had. I don't know if it's real, long-lasting love, I don't have enough experience to prove that this is the person I'm going to be with forever. Plus, I'm in a long-distance relationship, so not only am I inexperienced, I only get to see my significant other every so often. I don't see him consistently, that means I don't truly know him-- we don't even live in the same place! I haven't even been to his side of the world! Apparently hanging out on Skype doesn't count either, I can't possibly get to know him through there. But it also doesn't grant you the permission to treat it as a silly phase, regardless if it is one or not. During a relationship, at least in my opinion, your feelings for the other person is strong, and for someone to mock it as if it has no importance, is just pretty damn rude. So why don't you see my relationship as "real" as ones with more "experience?" Is it because it's my first one? Or does what you see from my relationship show signs of one that will end soon?

Why do you tell me to date other people?
Again, I can see why. I'm young, I haven't seen (or dated?) the world yet. To some, my relationship is puppy love-- a fleeting, whirlwind of a romance that's destined to end. OK, but when did it become alright to tell someone who's happily in a relationship to date other people? Did you expect me to say, "Ok! I'll date other guys! Let me break up with my boyfriend right now!" I don't know what the future holds, but that's for another time... maybe a time when I'm not already dating someone. It makes me feel like you think my relationship is not important. Is my relationship not valid enough for you to take it seriously? If you're looking out for me, do you know that this is not the way to get me to date other people? Do you think there is a way to get me to date other people?

Why does anything I do /want to do in my relationship make me"drunk in love?"
I want to visit Sebastian in Miami to meet his family and friends. I mean, is it an irrational thing to do? I want to meet the people that he loves and see the place he lives in. I want to see what he's like in a place that he calls him home with the people he grew up with. We're not about to elope and run away from society just so we can bask in each other's love-- it's a visit, complete with a round-trip ticket. Does this make me drunk in love? Also, can't you be drunk in love in your nth relationship?

Why do you keep asking me about marriage?
"Are you gonna marry him?" The fuck do I know dude, I'm 21!! Are you serious when you ask me about this? Or are you trying to get me to say no so that you can say that I'm not really serious about this relationship? Can't I date someone and not know if I'll be married to him in x years or not? And are you asking me this to prove that I'm drunk in love?? Because I'm not falling for ur tricks, asshole!

So this marks the end of my rant. These questions are based off conversations that have actually happened to me; I don't know if this is a common thing or the people I talk to are just mean. But from what I gathered, I need to have had my first heartbreak to be in the relationship advice-giving club. Well, that membership has to wait for now because I'm still basking in my first love experience! Oh and one more thing-- please stop telling me my boyfriend is cheating on me based solely on his gender. "He's cheating on you, trust me, he's a guy." If you ever see him, tongue, balls deep down another girl's throat, or maybe his phone has incriminating evidence that there is in fact, a side ho, then by all means, tell me he's cheating on me. But if the only thing you have to defend your statement is that he is a guy and "that's just what guys do," please, find a hobby or something for yourself... don't worry about me.


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