Shaking Off the Inner Fat Kid: The Mind Game of the Weight-loss Journey

Enjoy my hastily-made progress photos (Disclaimer: I’m flexing in all 3 pics 🤙🏽)

I've struggled with my appearance for as long as I can remember. I've compared myself to literally any girl I possibly could, basing my self-worth on my weight and waistline. I've wasted so many years disliking my body and myself, but I'm working on it.

In 2015 I reached a breaking point where I was tired of being so big and decided to take my diet and exercise more seriously. I did the research, tested what worked for me, and now ???(I'm bad at math) years later I'm the leanest and healthiest I've ever been. I've been managing to keep my self-esteem in check, but sometimes it just takes seeing a girl with a super nice body that I wish I had to start putting myself down for not looking like her.

In my weight loss journey, the biggest challenge wasn't actually losing weight or making new habits (although those are difficult as well), but it was coming to terms with my body and loving it for what it currently is. In my case, it's also trying to remember that another woman's beauty is not the absence of my own.

Photos of some girls whose bodies I wish I had saved on my phone... Which I should prob delete

I've lost 20 pounds and 4 inches around my waist and have drastically changed my eating and lifestyle habits. People that know me have said I look fit and sometimes I do feel it. But oftentimes I'm insecure and when I look in the mirror, all I see is my round tummy, the bumpy cellulite in my butt and thighs, thick upper arm fat that never seems to quit, and a lumpy figure that makes me feel like the same chubby Sabina I've been for years.

I try to remember that I have to train for strength (and not for weight loss)— I like to join competitions because (asides from the cool comp photos) for once, the only numbers I'm concerned with are the weights of my lifts and the amount of protein I'm consuming to fuel my muscles. My body composition has changed significantly (in my eyes) just because of these numbers and even though I still have moments where I think how easy thinner girls have it with being able to wear a skin-tight dress without looking like a lumpy sausage, I'm happy with the progress I've made in the past few years. I've pushed my mind and body to limits I've never reached before when I started competing in Crossfit in the past. Now I'm trying something new and I'm currently training for my second powerlifting competition this April!

Another thing that's helped me is seeing all these other women (and even some men!) sharing their own struggles with their body on social media. I never thought I was the only one with body issues, but it's different to actually read about it. It's comforting to know that even the women I thought wouldn't have anything to be insecure about all have their own self-esteem issues. I'm usually so reluctant to post stuff like my progress and even this blogpost, but I figured I like reading about and being inspired by other fitness journeys, so maybe it won't hurt to post mine either.

There are definitely days where I just want to give up because I feel like I look the same, but then I see just how much I've changed in those three pictures— and even someone as self-deprecating as me knows when to give myself a big pat on the back.