Letters to Me: Part 2

Coincidentally enough, I found a photo of myself on the very day I wrote the letter!! This was taken in my first period Japanese class, a few hours before the letter existed. 

Dear 2013 Sabina, 

Ah, how times have changed... First off, since the letter mostly revolved around this: I'm very happy to say that you currently are in a relationship! He's super cool and guess what. He speaks Spanish!! Now you can stop pretending to forget the English word for whatever Spanish word you manage to slip into a sentence. Seriously, stop. You're not fooling anyone, and this guy's gonna call you out on it in a few months, right after a drunken night out with friends at 5:30 in the morning while walking back to the station. Even in an exhausted, half-drunk state, you will still manage to be a pretentious shit, slurring out the broken Spanish you learnt in your last two years of high school. This is an important time because not only is your first impression of your soon-to-be boyfriend going to be "wow, who the hell does this asshole think he is," it's also the day you stop pretending that Spanish is your other native tongue because you got schooled by a real Spanish speaker. 

Speaking of languages, no, you do not get much better with Japanese. You still suck, but you're not completely useless. I can order food properly and I understand way more than you used to. Nevertheless, 3 and a half years into your life in Tokyo, and your Japanese is embarrassing. Unfortunately our Spanish isn't any better, and in fact worse than it's ever been, but I plan to work on it soon. 

As for the "hot bod"-- no, your Jillianing did NOT pay off, partly because you STOPPED THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE ON DAY 23, but mostly because you drank too much and ate like shit for the coming year and a half. You actually gained a lot of weight, but then lost some when you joined a gym. I'm nowhere near where we both wanted to be, but I'm closer to the goal than you ever were, so be proud, because 2016 you is fuckin' #werkin it. 

For number 4-- gurl. yas.  Side note: Something else that hasn't changed me: ironically using trendy words in the beginning but then eventually integrating it into your daily vocabulary, non-ironically.

Your 2 Valentines Days weren't exactly how you imagined-- yes, you felt very loved, but you also spent the two days talking on Skype because guess what! You're in a long distance relationship. Surprise! Don't worry, it will be manageable, but there will be many times where people will try to drag you down. I've heard everything-- "it's not a real relationship" "he's definitely cheating on you" "is he even worth it?"--And that's just the tip of the iceberg. People will hurt you and you will encounter very big, complicated hurdles, but you'll come out stronger in the end. Just do you. Oh but New Year 2014 was in real life and was the best New Year as of late. 

Also, your writing isn't the only cringe-worthy thing I noticed in the letter. It's how you depended on boys to prove your self-worth. Even until now, I still say my prime (looks-wise) was when I was a senior in high school and a freshman in college (me in 2013); I was pretty slim (compared to the later years) and had a perpetual tan. And even 4 years later, I think the half-shaved head made me look pretty badass. But because I was so preoccupied with how people (mainly boys) perceived me, I didn't even realise that I didn't even look nearly as bad as I believed myself to be. 2013 SABINA: BOYS DO NOT DICTATE HOW ATTRACTIVE YOU ARE-- it's how you feel and how you carry yourself. Once you're more confident in your own skin, you'll stop giving a fuck. Ironically enough, it took one boy for you to realise that. It's so insane that most of my main problems revolved around boys and having a boyfriend. Ah, 2013 me... as the latter half of 2014 rolls around, you won't know what hit you. 

Despite everything, you will be pretty happy in 2016. You'll get beaten up (figuratively); totally chewed and spit out of 2014 and into 2015, recover a little bit for the rest of the year, and then become terrified of what 2016 has planned for you. But despite that-- happy. I'm not where you wanted me to be, but I've learnt how to make the most out of the cards that I've been dealt. I've grown so much since 2013-- I mean, look at me, majority of my blog posts now I somehow turn into froufrou deep shit about love and life lessons!! I wonder how embarrassing my 2020 self will be when she reads all of this. If this is so, I'm sorry 2020 me. I think I'm this life guru that thinks she's the only one that's "been through stuff." Nevertheless, I'm excited grow some more and look back at it again in the next 4 years... I just need to start writing the letter! 

"PAYCE,"  (God. Thankfully this was left in 2013 and should stay there)

Love, 

2016 Sabina